… because you thought this was a good idea.

The remote had slipped between the sofa cushions but you were too busy shoveling your face full of day-old Pillsbury cinnamon buns to retrieve it and so you willfully sat through all three minutes and fifty-six seconds of this and at one point an errant crumb made its way through the neckline of your “There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don’t” t-shirt and settled between a pair of your stomach rolls and your immediate response was to wiggle in the vain hope that this might dislodge the increasingly sticky icing now melting inside your distended abdomen and after a few moments of this you realized your body fat was rippling to the rhythm of “Move Your Boogie Body”.

This is why you’ll die alone.