This is Why You'll Die Alone

This is where you went on your first date with that girl from...

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:21:00 -0400

This is where you went on your first date with that girl from match.com. You then asked the waitress for separate checks.

You dumped Brooke Shields for Steffi Graf.

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 13:12:34 -0400

You dumped Brooke Shields for Steffi Graf.

"All of these tracks are in a mono mix.. thanks but no thanks, I can‘t listen to non-stereo mixes[.]"

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 10:59:39 -0400

“All of these tracks are in a mono mix.. thanks but no thanks, I can‘t listen to non-stereo mixes[.]””

- “Sigurrosenthal,” bit torrent user, who will certainly die alone

[source]

gordonshumway: Nothing combines your appreciation of Extra...

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 15:29:53 -0400

gordonshumway:

Nothing combines your appreciation of Extra Virgin Olive Oil with an unwavering commitment to being lonely like a Rachel Ray back tattoo.

—via

We wish to break from our regularly scheduled programming to...

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 11:30:38 -0400

We wish to break from our regularly scheduled programming to note that this man will die atop a pile of beautiful women.

(via mrkstrkrft)

Because vanity comes with a price. [daily mail via dListed]

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:33:10 -0400

Because vanity comes with a price.

[daily mail via dListed]

… you’re @jamesbentley07 and you just wished Soulja...

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:37:55 -0400

… you’re @jamesbentley07 and you just wished Soulja Boy a happy birthday on Twitter and your autobiography reads “I am James. I play in a Band. Hi.”

We understand that raiding until sunrise is your only source of...

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 17:20:48 -0400

We understand that raiding until sunrise is your only source of human interaction, but trust us: when you die, your guild is just going to assume you forgot to pay your internet bill. Nobody will care.

(via PYZAM, submitted by sjsivak)

Because Muscle Milk stains run deep.

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 17:04:48 -0400

Because Muscle Milk stains run deep.

We’re at a complete loss for words: this kid went for...

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:58:00 -0400

We’re at a complete loss for words: this kid went for Nacho Cheese instead of Supreme.

(via juliasegal)

This sick fuck thinks he found love with a fucking pillow,...

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:38:00 -0400

This sick fuck thinks he found love with a fucking pillow, but we’ve got news for him: Real Dolls™ never leave, either.

… because you thought this was a good idea.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 14:22:00 -0400

… because you thought this was a good idea.

Photo

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:06:22 -0400

The remote had slipped between the sofa cushions but you were...

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 09:35:00 -0400

The remote had slipped between the sofa cushions but you were too busy shoveling your face full of day-old Pillsbury cinnamon buns to retrieve it and so you willfully sat through all three minutes and fifty-six seconds of this and at one point an errant crumb made its way through the neckline of your “There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don’t” t-shirt and settled between a pair of your stomach rolls and your immediate response was to wiggle in the vain hope that this might dislodge the increasingly sticky icing now melting inside your distended abdomen and after a few moments of this you realized your body fat was rippling to the rhythm of “Move Your Boogie Body”.

This is why you’ll die alone.